Stock Characters in my Classroom

As a teacher, I often observe different types of students I have in class and am thoroughly entertained by their interactions. Their drama is better than most plays I’ve seen. Other than the stereotypical cast of jocks, preps, nerds, and class clowns, I wanted to add a few stock characters to the list. So, just for fun, here are some of the regulars…

The One with Swagger

This student has no problems with self-confidence. He is completely comfortable in his own skin and knows how to turn on the charm. He regularly volunteers to do things that would humiliate the average student: read his writings aloud in class, dance in front of all his peers on the field trip, share embarrassing stories, sing really loudly at Mass even though he has a terrible voice.

He sees himself as my assistant, because he clearly has influence in the classroom:

“Mrs. Good, I got this, don’t worry. Class, quiet down.”

He tries to negotiate on behalf of his peers:

“I’m not feeling poetry today, Mrs. Good. I think the class needs a break. If you give us a day off, I guarantee we’ll be on task tomorrow.”

He interrupts class to walk to the door and peer out, blow his nose, throw away a piece of paper, or otherwise get up and move, because, who wouldn’t want to watch him strut?

I love this kid. He’s hilarious and I wish I could take a dose of his self-confidence and give it to my high school self.

The Ideal Student

This is the model student. She has all the right answers. She is responsible, caring, and sweet. He always does his assignments. He is upstanding, respectful, and genuinely kind.

This student is wonderful, but if every student were like him or her, teaching would be quite boring.

Even though I was totally this student, I just want to tell her to relax and that there’s more to high school that earning every single point. I want to pull him aside and let him know that teachers use scare tactics primarily to kick the slacker students into gear, not to further stress out the perfectionistic ones.

The Great Observer

This student likes to make observations, particularly about me as the teacher, and state them as iron-clad facts, often without any qualifications or explanations. And, there’s no point trying to debate one of his or her observations, because once they’re out of the mouth, they might as well be chiseled in stone.

The statements range from the mild:

“You look tired today.”

“You got a haircut...”

To the somewhat annoying:

“You’re really blunt. You always tell it like it is.”

“You’re in a bad mood.”

To the infuriating:

“You must have no life if you’re giving us all this work.”

The Hard Worker

This is the student who makes me want to give grades based on effort rather than product. He works twice as hard as his peers and even goes above and beyond the requirements just to make sure to earn the same grades. Or, she takes a half an hour on a quiz that her friend finishes in five minutes. I hope that my encouragement gives him that little boost to keep plugging along. And I hope that one day she’ll reap the deserved rewards of such a spectacular work ethic.

The Heavy Breather

This is the student who ruins the beauty of test days. In the teaching world, test days are a much-needed break from the front-of-the-class teaching routine, an opportunity to catch up on grading, do a crossword puzzle, or read a good book. But, this is the student who spoils such breaks. Why? She is a heavy breather…the kind who makes me pray against silences in the classroom, because I know I’ll hear it: the raspy, mucus-y, phlegm-y inhale and exhale for the entire hour. This student is not the temporary cold sufferer, but the chronically, perpetually stuffed up sinus sufferer who hasn’t figured out how to open her mouth wide enough not to rattle a little with each breath. Oh, the agony.

The Deep Thinker

This student regularly surprises me. He is mature beyond his years and his insights in class discussions would impress even my most rigorous college professors.

I learn and listen when she speaks, and her original thoughts remind me why I love literary analysis.

The One Who’s Hard to Read

This is the student who makes me nervous. She rarely, if ever, smiles and her body language is perpetually turned away from the front of the room, looking at her nails, at the floor, out the window, or quietly chatting with her friend. I can’t tell if she dislikes me or the class or both. Maybe neither.

I’m used to being around drama kids who wear their hearts on their sleeves; If they don’t like me, I know it. I don’t know how to respond to the seemingly indifferent one.

The Storyteller

Who needs television when I have this student in class? Her life is a soap opera, and she regularly fills everyone in on the developing plot. Even the most inane details are broadcast for the entire class to hear.

This is the student who would much rather entertain the class than learn, and I often have to set aside the last few minutes of class for story time as leverage to guarantee his good behavior.

The Fill-in-the-Blank

What kind of student were you? Where did you fit?